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Couples Counselling

Our relationships can be a place of great comfort and love, respect and growth, and serve as the centering points of our lives. They can also be the source of some of the most significant interpersonal pain, grief, frustration, and stress that we will experience in our lives. In some cases, the problem may not be the intensity of difficulties that show up in relationships. Instead, the issue is more with the intractability of relationship concerns. Even minor issues left unresolved for a long time in a long-term relationship can be a significant source of pain and frustration. Some of the common difficulties that show up in relationships for individuals or partners include:

  • Feeling misunderstood and underappreciated

  • Concerns regarding the household division of labour and/or childcare

  • Financial stress and spending habits

  • Disagreements regarding how to spend quality and leisure time

  • Feeling unsupported or disrespected or otherwise experiencing conflict with a partner’s extended family or friends

  • Sexual issues, including desire differences

  • Infidelity

  • Feeling blamed and attacked

  • Concerns regarding follow-through on commitments, personal organization, or tidiness 

  • Lack of romance or relationship connection

In some cases, relationship difficulties may occur when one or both partners has ADHD. The executive function difficulties that characterize ADHD can compromise an individual’s ability to manage household tasks effectively, keep commitments, stay organized and tidy, and otherwise contribute to the functioning of a household and family. Partners of those with ADHD may misattribute the individual’s behaviour as being due to not caring, being insensitive, or being lazy, even when this is far from true. These difficulties and misattributions can lead to all sorts of needless conflict, distress, and suffering for both parties.

There need not be a specific issue to cause people to experience relationship distress. Many people find that when they are experiencing stress and/or anxiety that they are more likely to feel on edge, angry, and irritable. In these states, fights and arguments can break out ‘for nothing.’ Unfortunately, the hurt feelings and damaged relationships still follow.In all these cases, couples counseling can help.

Counselling Doesn't Have to be a Last Resort

Many people are under the mistaken impression that couples counselling is only something to be undertaken as a final resort before taking the drastic step of pursuing separation or divorce. While couples counseling is certainly well indicated and potentially very helpful when separation or divorce is under consideration, it is also used by many couples nowhere near this stage of events. Couples counselling can help all couples improve their communication, increase intimacy and connection, better collaboratively problem-solve, and move to an overall more positive relationship.

Couples counseling is not about ‘witch-hunting’ - trying to determine which party is more to blame for a particular problem. It is not about judging either partner or trying to determine who is more right in a given situation or dilemma. In couples counseling the primary client is neither you or your partner; the primary client is your relationship. Skilled couples counselors are trained not to take sides - even with the person who reached out to them first - but rather to help both partners come together to resolve differences, feel better heard and understood, and move towards greater connection, intimacy, and relationship well-being.

How we can help

When you start couples counseling with one of our warm and skilled therapists, you and your partner will both be given the opportunity to share your relationship concerns, your goals for counseling, and your hopes and wishes for your relationship. Our therapists will ensure that each of you has a chance to be heard in session and that your individual needs, feelings, and conflict points are addressed. Even if you are not experienced particularly significant conflict points, couples counselling can still be a way to increase connection, communication, intimacy, and the vitality of your most important relationship.

Our approach

  • Helping facilitate better communication

  • Strategy building for high conflict situations

  • Activity scheduling to increase connection and intimacy

  • Mediating disagreements, need conflicts, and difficult conversations

  • Assisting with boundary setting and trust building

  • Facilitating relationship repair 

  • Guiding shared values and goals exploration

Our therapists may use:

  • Gottman Method

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

  • ADHD-Informed Couples Counselling

The relationship you have with your partner can be a source of tremendous stress and hurt and make an already stressful and chaotic life, feel overwhelming, exhausting, and painful. Yet, this same relationship, when moved to a place of calm, mutual respect, shared values, and connection and intimacy, can be one of the greatest sources of support, comfort, and peace you can find in your life. To book a session with one of our couples therapists, reach out below - we’d be happy to help you look at ways to move your most important relationship in a better direction.