The Upside of Spiralling

I like to think I’m not much of a “spiraller.” I tend to lean more depressive than anxious, and I’ve got CBT pretty much on lock. But a recent string of unpleasant events in my life triggered a spiral that hit harder than usual. It really sucks—but honestly, I think I’m holding it together. This wave of spiralling got me thinking—cue Carrie Bradshaw—what if there’s actually a bright side to spiralling?

I believe there could be. Hear me out. Maybe we need to spiral—need to feel those intense, sometimes unbearable emotions like self-disgust or deep shame—in order to grow, both personally and collectively. It’s the yin and yang of human experience. Dialectics. We can’t have one without the other. The human condition is full of painful paradoxes. Love comes with pain. What brings us joy can also break our hearts. Intelligence can lead us into foolish decisions. Progress requires friction. And we all have to grapple with that chaos—and the surreal feeling that maybe we are living in the matrix.

Maybe we need to spiral in order to grow, both personally and collectively.

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So here’s something I’ve been pondering: What if the way we perceive spiralling changes how we experience it? In cognitive-behavioral terms, this is called “reframing.” In social theory, it’s a matter of perspective. Our outlook shapes what we see when we look out the proverbial window. And in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), there’s the “window of tolerance.” We can expand that window—if we believe we can, and if we work at it.

Spiralling activates our sympathetic nervous system. Anxiety surges. Our bodies respond with discomfort, nausea, and tightness. We might turn that discomfort inward: “I’m such an idiot.” Or outward: “They’re such idiots.” Or we panic about what this will lead to: “Now I’m going to blackout, and tomorrow I’ll spiral about not remembering anything I did while blacked out.”

But what if we interrupt that spiral with a different thought?

Something like: “Oh, I’m spiralling. What if this could be good for me?” Maybe this is the brain’s bootcamp—grueling, yes, but ultimately transformative. Maybe spiralling is pushing me toward clarity, self-awareness, growth. Bootcamp sucks, but it builds strength. And maybe I do need a little internal drill sergeant yelling at me to get moving. So, I’ll let the spiral run its course—and use that momentum to set goals, take action, nurture relationships, and contribute meaningfully.

In fact, I am already doing those things. So maybe channelling this spiral won’t be as hard as it feels. Maybe what seems impossible is actually possible. Maybe—dare I say—I’m one step closer to meeting my life partner on Hinge (BAHAHAHA).

Oh, I’m spiralling. What if this could be good for me?

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So no, spiralling doesn’t mean I’m broken. It means I’m human—having a messy, deeply human experience that might actually generate something good. And for now, I’m going to treat myself to a four-pack of mango sorbet popsicles from Metro, which were on sale for $4.99. Sometimes self-kindness looks like that.

I think it’s working. The mango popsicles weren’t amazing, but maybe they will be on a really hot day. In closing, I encourage you to try looking at the bright side of spiralling. And if you do, please report back with your results.

Postscript: I ate the remaining three popsicles the next day, back-to-back. They were excellent.

This article was written by Vivian Nho, MACP, a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Radcliffe Psychotherapy Clinic. To learn more about Vivian or to book a session with her, please visit her booking page https://www.angerandanxiety.com/vivian-nho.